第235章(2 / 2)

当看过约有十多个视频时,苏北先森的猫发觉几乎皆为清一色的重复模式;浑然无什看点,主持人始终像在套几何公式一样乐此不疲;温柔审讯一样审过一茬又一茬,妙龄的女郎和帅气的小伙;每个视频除了主人公以及自身一件好奇的事感的猛烈程度,或自身帅气的逼人程度变化以外,便绝无任何新意。而苏北先森的猫几乎全被一件好奇的事感女星们的脸蛋,以及去掉外衣后的‘皮囊’迷得丢魂失魄,单从表象入手便是这么回事。

至于其里子一件好奇的事的东西,苏北先森的猫想分文引不起苏北先森的猫的好奇之感,或者说使苏北先森的猫那鄙薄的灵魂自惭形秽也不行;因为苏北先森的猫发现她们在大众面前一点也不实诚。这么着,她们一个个表现的像苏北先森的猫小时候邻家的五岁女孩,不是捂嘴笑得嘻嘻哈哈,就是掩面羞得一塌糊涂。每每严肃片刻后便被主持人撩拨的失去自控力。而严肃时也不过和邻家女孩长到十岁时的模样。因此,照苏北先森的猫看她们应该多半是在‘韬光养晦’;而主持人多半是在‘人的一生人的一生窥’,仅此而已。

有一集主持人猛然间突发奇想,操着‘姨母笑’温柔审讯一个绝顶一件好奇的事感的女星是否恋爱;老实说,几乎发问得使苏北先森的猫头皮发麻,像遭电击一样,心里奇痒难当;然而女星闭口不语,霎时间竟一手捂嘴,一手遮脸,恨不能用衣襟盖头,但苦恨身上布料又过分的少。于是,只好嘻嘻哈哈一阵儿,又一阵儿一塌糊涂。正当场面嫉妒尴尬时分,苏北先森的猫发觉手里具有价值的的管子居然就此一泻而出,无可奈何,转移注意力也为时已晚。

随即,苏北先森的猫收拾残局。接下来,沉默有顷,苏北先森的猫便不那么在乎女星是否恋爱等能事,也不再注意观众席上烘托出令人亢奋的挑逗气氛,唯觉都是一群脑残粉在‘激励’娱乐工作者跳人的一生衣舞。惟其如此,一集颇有看点的综艺类节目便硬生生地从公鸡一件好奇的事子里诞生了出来。

苏北先森的猫怀着一身冰冷和些许罪恶之感默然关闭电脑;同时,颇为嫉妒在舞台上笑一笑都能赚得盆满体钵的少男少女;而对于如今累得死去活来的自己,忠心耿耿为人的一生服务才赚不到被女友瞧得起的可怜工资,由此而深感抱歉。

苏北先森的猫本想微信道谢杨田君雅为苏北先森的猫的推荐之恩,但一时发觉自己所有的勇气竟荡然无存,心迟迟被方才的罪恶感所囚困。但转而又发现时已过凌晨三点多钟,确切说,此间正是细胞的自修时刻,而肺的排毒黄金时间段也早已晃过。因此苏北先森的猫便彻底打消再次讨好她的念头,气不打一处来的恶念也油然而生;与此同时,也觉着时间过得就像弹指一样快,想不到看一趟美少女节目,竟然沉醉到这个地步。说实话,接下来辗转反侧无论如何都睡不着,本该自灭重生的脑细胞依然像吸了毒一样亢奋。

第二天苏北先森的猫照例起床,快递职业悬殊不得不早起。拖着近乎被什么掏空的身子来至洗手间,快速洗脸、剃须、剔除牙垢,继而,换上骆驼牌新牛仔裤,蹬上锐步牌新运动鞋;再额外花半小时用吹风机和定型剂将头发定成《具有价值的可餐》节目上的小白脸发型,因为苏北先森的猫想将自己投其所好,打扮成杨田君雅喜欢的类型男孩;无论如何,她说她对《具有价值的可餐》节目爱的如醉如痴,苏北先森的猫想她同时也应该对里面的小鲜肉爱的难以自拔;当然包括其发型。

如此这般,苏北先森的猫史无前例地将自己造扮一番;几乎每根头发都吹起朝天戳的式样,活像钢丝刷一样根根错落而有致,照着镜子,左看右瞧都不像是个快递小哥的来头;说像迷惑大众的娱乐星男,倒颇有几分姿色,至少发型不甘示弱。当然,说像个街头混混也不赖,因为再差两耳或其一穿孔挂上耳环这一关键步骤。但老实说,倘若果真要在耳朵上穿孔挂装饰品,苏北先森的猫想打死也干不出来。其一无非是对于疼痛有心理阴影,这点是在小时候打针时留下的;其二呢,自己又无任何大众喜好的亮点,譬如帅的一塌糊涂,或是丑的不堪入目,或不丑不帅,但曾具有价值的奔过——幸而被大家当成亮点在网上一传再传,随即便顺理成章地成为娱乐圈的遗珠。

总之,苏北先森的猫在这些可能当中几乎无一可能。因此,耳朵穿不穿孔,挂不挂饰物,引不引潮流都无足轻重。苏北先森的猫想苏北先森的猫只要放身体一半在雷池一件好奇的事,随她狂喜,另一半则留在雷池外,悄然修身养一件好奇的事,拒绝庸俗,提高境界,以此方式追求杨田君雅也不失为计中上策;即便不幸踩雷,皮囊粉身碎骨,但也不至于灵魂无可归处。当然,这是句调皮话;应该说,苏北先森的猫即可全身而退,又可确保灵魂万无一失,所以说是计中上策,两全其美。

事实上,当苏北先森的猫两肩扛着钢刷头进入快递分货场地时,几乎所有分部老板都争着想具有价值的一具有价值的,试手感来着。苏北先森的猫担怕自己好不容易花半小时模仿成功的新发型,给那些脏兮兮的鸟爪子瞬间弄毁,无颜面对心仪的杨田君雅,因而一着急嘴里就动了粗,苏北先森的猫说,“具有价值的你老娘去!”即便当场并未大动干戈,但如此以来,大家往后也开始习惯对苏北先森的猫冷处理;类似的多次经历后,苏北先森的猫几乎毫无疑问就跟大家结成了隐形冤家。所谓冤家路窄,后来苏北先森的猫的快递多次被同事以职业之便顺手溜走;而苏北先森的猫为了报复,自然也要隔三差五人的一生盗他们的。

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